> allow me to be unhappy for this time
after reading pris' entry, i must say i admire her courage, for saying what i wanted to say all these while. just that i don't want to seem like im under depression or what.[though my own blog says a lot]or even affect any of you because it would be super duper weird to see me pulling a long face in school and perhaps some may think im going mad.. ok that's besides the point i want to make.
seriously, the class is not what it used to be. im sure many of us agree, but only a few of us are willing to face that fact. maybe the others suppress that emptiness, and i do sometimes in school. because i believe when you are certain about the change in the class, whatever you see will be sort of prejudiced. perspective is reality, that's what i learn in my secondary 4 literature. so basically i just stopped wanting to feel this way. but i can't pretend the class did not change, because i have given myself more than enough time to judge for myself. about 6 weeks have passed, disregarding the 2 weeks i was not around, then 4 weeks... i can't seem to find that comfort i used to receive from the old 71.
it's not the people, it's the environment. tests are coming up, we have lots of homework. face it, everyone is realistic, how can you find someone who is willing to spend a day out with the class knowing some tests are coming up? if you are who i speak of, i will definitely treasure you more. not only stress from work we receive, but from parents? i know several of you cannot go for class outing because your parents are unhappy, i understand. that's why im not blaming the people, it's definitely not because the second intakers have come, it's just because things have changed.
even for those who have been here with me for 5 months, some seem to forget how bonded we were, or seemingly throw that thought away. i hate to admit im disappointed. maybe, somewhere, they still remember those times we spent together, the tears we shared to fight to stay in hc. but i can't feel or see that they remember. it's just reality i guess, and i hate to face it but im forced to.
to pris, it's not your fault that you didn't come for class outing. i know you always wanted to, it's just that you have other commitments. no one is blaming you, in fact im so proud that you posted that entry. i have never thought you felt that way, because you are always smiling in class. *hug* at least i know you feel the same as me. (:
and to hongli, thanks for always bringing joy. your entry makes me laugh, and i miss your presence. i don't care if you attend lessons with us for the first three months or not, but the fact that you call yourself a 71-ian, and your spirit is always around us, i still regard you as part of the class. (:
the reason why i said i dreaded school in my blog is that i hate to go to school each day, having to face the different 71, the stressed people, the evidence that reality is simply cruel. it has taken away the once lively 71, the bond we shared, the joy we experienced.
as my title tells, allow me to be unhappy and lost for this time. but i will try not to dread school anymore, for i found another purpose to go to school now. i trust i will see a change in 71 again, for the better. some day, somehow.
kai-qian
